For as long as there have been chat rooms and IM clients, one of my favorite pastimes when bored has been to find random people to fuck with.

Recently, I’ve been using a simple AIM matching service called Tworl to pick out my marks. For whatever reason, people who use Tworl are dumber than shit-covered bricks. This, of course, has made for some absolutely hilarious IM logs. I’ve started this new Random Chat series to showcase some of the best.

To protect my marks from possible flaming, I’m going to replace their names with their age and gender – data that Tworl provides when it matches you up with someone.

Mr. Pink: Hey. Found you on Tworl.
41 / Female: hello
Mr. Pink: How’s it going?
41 / Female: good you?
Mr. Pink: Not too bad.
41 / Female: glad to hear it
Mr. Pink: So what’re you up to?
41 / Female: reading email, packing for a trip, packing to move, housework
Mr. Pink: Fun.
41 / Female: yup
Mr. Pink: There’s a squirrel popping up on my screen because of you.

(Note: This lady was using an annoying background with an animated squirrel.)

41 / Female: what?
Mr. Pink: A squirrel.
41 / Female: i dont know anything about a squirrel
Mr. Pink: Ok. Well, it’s popping up in my AIM window.
Mr. Pink: Beady-eyed little son of a bitch won’t stop staring at me.
41 / Female: must be something in your setup
41 / Female: mind your language
Mr. Pink: Mind my language? Who are you? My third grade teacher?
Mr. Pink: DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?
41 / Female: no i do not
Mr. Pink: I’M RICK JAMES, BITCH.
41 / Female: i dont know any rick james
41 / Female: and i dont tolerate that kind of language
41 / Female: goodbye