Jonathan Payton, 18, of North Stafford, Virginia had local police scratching their heads after he dressed up as a cow, crawled into a Walmart store on all fours, stole 26 gallons of milk, and then proceeded to try to distribute it to customers in the parking lot outside of the store. He “tried to flee by skipping away” when approached by police.

I’m fairly certain that Mr. Payton is my new personal hero.