Mr. Black: Twain was known for his wit and satire.
Mr. Black: Dickens was known for his social commentary.
Mr. Black: I just want to be known for my sexual euphemisms.

Mr. Pink: In case you weren’t aware, dog shit + weed whacker = fuck.

Friend: She was giving me head.
Friend: She sneezed.
Friend: On my dick.
Friend: I need therapy.

Mr. Blue: She got mad at me for peeing in her bed.
Mr. Blue: I think it was because I was standing up at the time.

Friend: I thought it would be fun to nail a deaf girl.
Friend: But every time I hit her g-spot, she made this god-awful yelping sound.
Friend: I felt like I was fucking an angry dolphin or something.

Mr. Pink: The only thing I’d hit that with is a baseball bat.
Mr. Pink: And even then, I’d wash the bat afterwards.
Mr. Pink: …with fucking bleach.

Friend: My cock’s broken.
Mr. Pink: …the fuck?
Friend: CLOCK.
Friend: My CLOCK is broken. Damn it.

Friend: I got my finger all the way in there before she woke up.
Mr. Pink: As strange as this sounds, I’m glad you’re talking about her nose.

Friend: I’m banned from that 7-11 down the street.
Mr. Pink: What?
Friend: Long story. Involved alcohol.
Mr. Pink: Clearly.

Mr. Blue: New all time low!
Mr. Blue: I shit the bed.
Mr. Pink: I…
Mr. Pink: Man.
Mr. Pink: You need to stop drinking.
Mr. Pink: Period.
Mr. Blue: Yeah. Never trust a tequila fart.