Mr. Blue: I’ve got 99 problems and a bitch is about 42 of ‘em.

Mr. Pink: What’re you doing on New Year’s?
Mr. Maroon: Current plans are to spend it alone, almost completely wasted, while wearing women’s clothing and masturbating to midget porn.

And this, friends, is why you don’t hear from Mr. Maroon too often these days.

Mr. Black: That last fart came with accessories.
Mr. Pink: The fact that you can say something like that out loud and still sleep with as many women as you do must anger a lot of other guys.

Mr. Blue: She asked me to put it in her ass.
Mr. Pink: Propose marriage.
Mr. Pink: Right now. I’m serious.

Mr. Black: I’m going to Twitter MySpace until I Google all over her Facebook.
Mr. Black: Meanwhile, YouTube her Yahoo and Blue can Bing her from behind.
Mr. Pink: Impressive. But I’m disappointed that you didn’t somehow work in FourSquare.

Mr. Maroon: I’m pretty sure she would object to me shitting on her chest.
Mr. Pink: Fine. Don’t take my advice.

Mr. Maroon: Don’t you hate it when an ass is wasted on a dude?

Mr. Blue: The freshmen are coming! The freshmen are coming!
Mr. Pink: Fall quarter is like Christmas to you, isn’t it?
Mr. Blue: Yes. Except I don’t get to stick my dick in things on Christmas.