Mr. Blue: He tried to make bacon without a fucking pan.
Mr. Blue: I’m kicking his alcoholic ass out of the house.

Mr. Black: I don’t understand lesbians who use strap-on dildos.
Mr. Black: I mean, if you want to feel a dick in your vagina, that means you’re straight, you silly bitch.

Mr. Blue: I just finished making an achievements list.
Mr. Blue: I’m turning my sex life into a video game.

Mr. Pink: I’m pretty sure I get why babies cry when you change their diaper.
Mr. Pink: If I’d just shit in my pants and some giant dude picked me up, put me down on a table, ripped off my pants and shoved something cold in MY crack, I’d cry, too.
Mr. Pink: In fact, it seems a lot like prison now that I think about it.

Mr. Blue: We went to that strip club downtown last night.
Mr. Blue: I hid a whoopie cushion down the front of my pants.
Mr. Blue: I purchased a lap dance.
Mr. Blue: When she jumped up from my lap, I looked at her with disgust, stood up, and walked away.
Mr. Blue: Best $20 I’ve ever spent.

Mr. Black: She apparently took exception to being labeled, “The Big Easy” in my cell phone contact list.
Mr. Black: I’m not sure whether she’s mad for being called big or for being called easy.

Mr. Blue: I got kicked out of a Best Buy today.
Mr. Pink: What the hell? Why?
Mr. Blue: I drew cocks on all of the tablet PCs.

Mr. Pink: She’s just using you.
Mr. Blue: I’m OK with the parts of me that she’s using, though.
Mr. Pink: Fair enough.

Friend: I’d hit it like a Georgian luge slider.
Mr. Pink: You are a terrible person…
Mr. Pink: …for forcing me to laugh at that.